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1 Year Ago
Seems like we haven't had any joke related discussions for a while.
I saw the post by Ronald Walker titled "Past, Present, Future" and it reminded me of the following simple joke:
- The past, present and future walked into a bar
- It was tense
Please feel free to add more groaners!
[Photo by Dan Cook on Unsplash]
Reply Order
1 Year Ago
Cosmo (sung by Donald O'Connor):
Though the world is so full of a number things,
I know we should all be as happy as
But are we?
No, definitely no, positively no.
Decidedly no. Mm mm.
Short people have long faces and
Long people have short faces.
Big people have little humor
And little people have no humor at all!
And in the words of that immortal buddy
Samuel J. Snodgrass, as he was about to be lead
To the guillotine:
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
(Ha ha!)
My dad said "Be an actor, my son
But be a comical one
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines"
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite
And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat
Just slip on a banana peel
The world's at your feet
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em...
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh
My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke
But give it plenty of hoke
Make 'em roar
Make 'em scream
Take a fall
Run a wall
Split a seam
You start off by pretending
You're a dancer with grace
You wiggle till they're
Giggling all over the place
And then you get a great big custard pie in the face
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know... all the... wants...
My dad...
They'll be standing in lines
For those old honky tonk monkeyshines
Make 'em laugh
Make 'em laugh
Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh, ah ah!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!
Make 'em laugh!
"Make 'Em Laugh" ~ Singin' in the Rain (1952)
https://youtu.be/SND3v0i9uhE
1 Year Ago
Actually a quote from baseball great, Yogi Berra, I believe, :
“When you come to a fork in the road….take it.”
1 Year Ago
Rodney Dangerfield – I get no respect:
I was 8 years old – on my first airline flight with my parents.
We were traveling over the ocean.
My mother put my hat on and said “Go outside and play”
1 Year Ago
Ripping this off from an Instagram Reel.
My wife asked me, "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
I told her, "No, I never knew he could."
1 Year Ago
ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.
CRITIC: It's worthless.
ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.
1 Year Ago
Dog owner: "The neighbors tell me you've been chasing people on bicycles!"
Dog: "They're lying, I don't even have a bicycle!"
1 Year Ago
Spelling is hard... a couple of letters get messed up and your whole sentence is urined....
1 Year Ago
Firstly, thank you all for making me smile this evening!
I must admit I do also like the occasional geek joke. Such as...
- There are 10 types of people in this world,
- Those that understand binary, and those that don't.
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9 Days Ago
Sorry for the lack of responses. I have not visited this for a few days. This was not an image thread originally as it was for "groaners" and one liners.
Also I don't want it to just be another image dump. I wanted it to be a place to come when I (and anyone else?) was feeling glum and just get a quick pick-me-up from a great one-liner.
To that end, thus has been a real tonic - so THANK YOU to everyone.
To specific questions: I started with an image because the site etiquette is to include an image in the first post.
If someone else wants to open a discussion with "funny images" and if Abbie approves of it, then please go for it!
Best wishes, Richard
Keep 'em coming.
8 Days Ago
Did you hear the local band stand was struck by lightning yesterday while the band was playing?
Luckily, only the conductor was hit.
8 Days Ago
I went for an interview at IKEA.
The manager greeted me by saying, "Come in! Make a seat!"
7 Days Ago
How do you feed 1,000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
6 Days Ago
I went to an archaeology party where they were only looking for remains of a lower leg.
It was a shindig.
6 Days Ago
Spider: Why are you afraid of me?
Human: Well, all the reasons I had have been replaced by the fact that you can talk.
6 Days Ago
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
5 Days Ago
I once saw a man moving a trolley full of horseshoes, four-leaf clovers and rabbits' feet all by himself.
I thought, "Wow, he's really pushing his luck!"
4 Days Ago
I remember when 3D came out, and now we have 4K...
If this trend continues, next we'll get 5R, then 6Y!
3 Days Ago
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray.
The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men.
He continues to do this until he’s out of sight. The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, "Wow! That is amazing! What is in that can?"
The man looks at the can and reads the label… "Hare restorer, with a permanent wave."
2 Days Ago
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
1 Day Ago
Two slices of bread got married.
The wedding was amazing, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.
1 Day Ago
A man said to his friend, "I took our dog for a walk the other day and I tried to play Frisbee with him, but he was useless…
I really need to get a flatter dog."
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